Challenging your awareness.....

I want to write about something that I feel like these days people deny even exists anymore. 

RACISM. 
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Did I make you uncomfortable?  Did you roll your eyes?  Are you even going to continue to read this?

If you think that it doesn't exist... you are truly mistaken.  It's not talked about much.  People do a really good job of turning a blind eye....But mostly because as a society we've made it "socially unacceptable".  However,  the bottom line is it still goes on every single day.   

People of the same race-even in the WORK place- speaking demeaning comments race related.
really people?  you are in a professional environment, #1.  #2, for the record... if you are white, and you are making a joke about another race, I'm uncomfortable and immediately have zero respect for you moving forward.  I made a mental note to never trust your morals or your judgement.

Parents denying their children because they married another race, or had an interracial child.
What do you see when you look into your daughters eyes?  You love them unconditionally right?  By unconditionally do you mean, only if they don't marry or birth a child by someone of another race?  Because that's what I've seen.  I've also seen with my own eyes, people who deny their feelings for someone because, "there's no way I could bring that person home to my parents."  THIS IS OUR REALITY PEOPLE. It's not just their problem....

Let's stop acting like this *ish doesn't happen.  It does.  I see it almost everyday.  I've EXPERIENCED it.  I've gone out with a GIRLfriend of mine who's black and gotten stared at.  Lingering looks. Felt the thoughts.....

I'm not sure if you are aware, but people can see your face.  See your eyes.  Feel your energy.  Sense your judgement.  You don't have to say a WORD. 

Oprah had a life class a few weeks ago on Colorism.  Passing judgement and racism within your own RACE.  Light skinned, dark skinned.....and all shades in between.  That show tore me up.

The Butler- haven't seen it?  Well you should.  Hotel Rowanda- that's a movie we can watch and say- "oh- that doesn't happen here, that's in other countries."  Wrong.  Just 60 years ago we couldn't even sit at the same tables.  Go to the same schools.  That's how our parents or grandparents lived.  The Butler does a really really good job of bringing the past to the present and showing you that not that long ago......

So yea, there is some lingering ignorance that we are trying to clean up.  You only know what you experience so if you grow up and learn and get taught that way, then that's all you know right?   WRONG.  Dare to be different, how do you think things changed anyway?  People challenged the "NORM"  People pushed back.  PEOPLE DIED, so that we could live this way today.  But to be honest, I'm not satisfied.  I'm not OK with where we are as a society on this issue.  I am ashamed that I see and continue to see racism every.single.day.

It's disgusting.  It's ignorant.  It cowardly.  It's shameful. 

I know one thing.  I'm only one person. One measly little 35 year old white girl who lives in Raleigh, North Carolina.... But I promise you this:  I promise to never surround myself intentionally with those that would make my loved ones of another race uncomfortable.  Period.  I promise to always say something when I hear derogatory shameful  verbiage coming out of an ignorant mouth.  I do it.  All the time. 

I may not be able to erase it.  But I can surround myself, my family, my children around all different races, religions, backgrounds, cultures... and on purpose.   If you are living in 2014 and you STILL DON'T KNOW that we are all the same, then shame on you.  There is no one way.  One right way to live or be. 

Be part of the solution.  Be part of the healing.  Be part of the acknowledgement.  Or you ARE the problem.  By laughing or turning a blind eye, you are exacerbating the issue and fueling the fire.  Stand up for something bigger. 

Think what you will, about me, about this blog.... But at least I am standing up for something I believe in, instead of allowing the norm to dictate my thoughts.

Equally accusing.  Equally loving,

Hoss

What are you TRULY committed to?

I am going to steal a quote from Hannah Brencher- a young blogger who has become extremely successful and is wonderfully thought provoking:

"I guess I’m now starting to understand why commitment seems a little jacked up and flimsy in the world today. Because real commitment– hands all in with no hope of turning outward– is not always the picture-perfect, edited thing you’d thought it would be. A lot of times it’s tears. And it’s telling yourself you will get through something, even when you aren’t so sure that you will. And it’s lacing up your boots to get through these battlefields that seek to own you with doubt and insecurity and hopelessness. "

It seems with so many distractions, technology specifically- there are so many reasons not to be committed.  Not to go through the motions of staying, wherever it is, for whoever it is- through the hard parts.  Have you been through anything in life that had actual substance that was easy??  Nothing is easy.  Life is what you make of it right? 

Work is a commitment, it's certainly not always a walk in the park, but you stay.  The reward is that they pay you.  Relationships are a commitment.  They aren't easy and typically they try every single part of you that you didn't even know existed.  But they reward you with love, fulfillment, companionship, and worth.  Every commitment has a pay off.  And it can get exhausting while climbing the hill of adversity......But when you get to the top of that hill.... it's oh so rewarding.  Ms. Brencher is right when she says at the top of the hill is JOY JOY JOY and Hallelujah!  You cannot experience the joy, if you do not stay the course- of anything difficult you face.  Looking back at the top of the staris that you climbed is the exhilarating reason you climb them....

People are getting married less and less. Later in life....It's so easy to shut down.  Shut off.  Transition to something easier.  Put the What IF portion of your emotions on repeat.  Tricking yourself into thinking there is always something better waiting.  Bigger.  More worth it.  Something that will constantly full fill you every second of the day.  It ain't gonna happen my friends.  Ask anyone who's in a long term relationship or married.  Ups, downs, and everything in between.  That is the definition of commitment. 

The next time you want to run- from whatever is challenging you to be better.  Be bigger. Be tolerant- STAY.  She puts it so much more eloquently than I do... but I have to say I envy her vision at such a young age.  It took me a really long time to come to that realization, a really long road of lessons learned the hard way.  I'm not married.  I don't have children.  But I welcome the expected anticipation of the commitment it requires.  I've done a lot and learned a lot and anyone who knows me knows that my commitment to them is real.  If I am your friend, your confidant- I am committed to you.  I'll stay.

Can you say the same?

Looking forward to looking back,

Hossy

I AM...

What are you?  What do you think about yo'self when you hear those two words, I AM.....? 

I was motivated the other day by a speech I heard.  I want to highlight some of the powerful quotes- take aways if you will.  I have learned a lot about myself and continue to do so every single day.... and I am proud to say, at the same time I am continually reminded that I am human and can always learn a new truth.  It seems once you conquer one level, a new depth emerges.....Enjoy! I hope you have at least a few provoking thoughts encouraged through these lines...

Whatever follows I am, is going to come looking for you

If you want to see what your life will be like in five years, let’s see what you say about yourself today

It’s simple, your life is how you see it

We make things so complicated, but it’s the simples things that keep people grounded

When you open your eyes, say thank you

You become what you believe

The truth is you have more than you’ll ever need

Whatever you feed will grow

Find the courage to believe in yourself

When you are passionate about you are, it brings honor to God

Life is not over after a disappointment….nothing that you have been through is a surprise to God, God has written every page in our book

As long as you have breath somebody needs what you’ve got

Nothing is happening to you/ everything happens FOR you

When you are in peace, it is a position of power

My inability to trust people prevents me from fulfiling my full potential

Nothing is happening out of order

Wherever you are, is where you are supposed to be

When you say you can’t trust others, is it that you cannot trust yourself enough to know that if someone harms you that you can make a decision to move away?

God will bring the right people across your path

Don’t let one bad break ruin the rest of your life

You have to be confident in who God made you to be

Take everything one day at a time

That moment when you are in the plane, in a storm, and you break the clouds…. Guess what?  God was always there.  It’s called sunrise faith.

 

 

Living for THIS moment,

Hoss

 

ONE

Incredible song with heart warming lyrics.  Imagine what the world would be like if we never judged based on who you chose as your God, the color of your skin, or your sexual preference. Nothing but displaced hate and wasted energy.  We fear what we do not understand....

Love each other... we are all the same.  Happy Holidays!!!  XO

"One"
India Aire

Billions live their lives
Now Muhammad, Krisha, or the Buddha are the way.
Still some believe it's right to say
In the name of Jesus when you pray.

We are a human kind of 7 billion
so many different races and religions
And it all comes down to one

Some say God's a him
Still many believe that He is a Her
Does God Live in our hearts?
Or is She somewhere out there in the universe.

How far will have to go before we learn the lesson?
Gandhi, was a Hindu
Martin Luther King, a Christian
God is a religion, they knew love was the vision
And it all comes down to one.

Is there no God at all?
Or a pantheon of gods up in the sky
We can heal our broken hearts
If we give up the desire to be right.

We are a human kind of seven billion
So many different races and religions
and we all want the same things
Health, Love, Prosperity and Peace
Tolerance is the seed
And the gift of pure acceptance is the tree

Whether you are red, brown, yellow, black, or white
Man with a husband, or a woman with a wife
We can debate until the end of time who is wrong or right
or we can see ourselves as one
Cause it all comes down to one.

#onelove,

Hoss

Inspiring Questions....

How can you receive without asking?

I've met a lot of people in my life, been blessed really to have come in contact with so many different types of people from all walks of life.  I've travelled a lot, and I am constantly asking people questions.  If you know me at all you know that I am always curious about people's story.  What do those miles in their shoes say?  Mostly because I want to learn.  I am always hoping to gain a bit of knowledge I didn't have before, maybe a little perspective....(word of the blog!)... maybe see things in a way I haven't seen before. 

I have to say, more so women than men, have a lot of regrets.  Things they "wished" they did, that they "could" do.  "Oh I could never wear that..."  There are many things just life related.  But also professionally.  Are women just ok with being mediocre at work?  Or do they not have enough self esteem to think they could be runnin' 'ish???  I mean, I'm just wondering.

HAVE YOU ASKED? 

Have you asked your husband to go on a trip?  Have you asked if the family could take care of the kids while you take care of yo'self and your marriage?  Have you asked your boss for more responsibility and a raise?  Have you asked for more knowledge in your profession?  Cause ladies (AND MEN OF COURSE), Life comes at you fast.... and for everything else.... YOU HAVE TO ASK.

How do you expect to get what you NEED, or even what you WANT, without asking?  Men can't read your mind.  Hell, WOMEN can't read your mind.  No one knows what you are thinking.  One of the worst things women do in my mind is assume.  Yeah- I said it.  And assuming makes an ass out of you and whoever else you are coming in contact with.

I challenge you that the next time a friend asks you to do something with them, your husband asks you to travel somewhere... try and do it.  Try and live life to the fullest.  One day you are going to turn around and be old and crusty and "wish you had........."

Unhappy at work?  ASK FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT.  Seek something different.  Whether it is internal or elsewhere.  Times are tough and no one is going around handing out life.  I don't have bits of your life in my purse to hand out... as you don't of mine.  As Sheryl Sandberg says, "Lean IN"

There's a lot of things I want.  But there's a ton of things I've been blessed to have or experience.  NONE without asking.  Or effort on my part, you can guarantee that honey.  When I am gone with the wind fabulous in life or work, I never feel like I stumbled upon this.  I always feel like I asked for it :)

If you can't ask your husband, your boss or your friends for what your heart desires in life, then ask the universe.  Ask your spiritual leader, Buddha, God, whatever your spirit calls for... BUT JUST ASK.

The way I live my life isn't the way everyone wants to live.  It's my experience and my journey, but this is the life I know... and I promise to grab every opportunity and try and make it everything I want.

Child- life cannot and will not give you what you want without the simple task of asking. 

Questioning it ALL,

Hoss

#nike

I want to share a few things that have really hit home with me in the last few weeks. 

The negativity has been LOUD the lately.  I'm not going to give it much energy or attention, that only feeds it... makes it bigger... gives it strength;  In which of course it does not deserve.  I read a quote today that helped me put things into perspective (you know I love me some perspective)....


Listen to your heart. Follow its prompting. Honor what you feel and act accordingly. People can convince us that we are what we are not, and lead us to believe that we are not what we are. Be able to identify your original thoughts from those you have adopted. Trust that you can have an original thought and act upon it even when others are not pleased by what you are doing.

Because:

The only relationship we can have in this life is the relationship we have with ourselves. We cannot love anybody more than we love ourselves. We cannot treat anyone any better than we treat ourselves. When you forget you, give up on you, or devalue yourself, anyone coming into your life has a universal responsibility to follow your lead.

....and as an end result, EVERYTHING is ALWAYS ok.  Everything.  No matter what the negative noise is.  No matter what insecurity someone else is projecting onto you to try and bring you into their circle of unhappiness..... Your chest should always remind you that you are ok.  Because you are listening to your heart... despite... despite it all. And you are loving yourself.  Allowing yourself to be WHO.YOU.ARE. 

My friend and I always say, DO YOU. #nike

It's the most incredible, simple, encouraging, rewarding life lesson we can learn.  I encourage you to not waste your life and learn it too late.  Be great.  Be great now.  Be confident, and above all, always intrinsically follow your gut.  Your instinct is your pathway to Gods voice.  No one knows better than Him.

I leave you with this:  people will always treat you how you let them.  Be strong.  Demand greatness.  When someone shows you who they are my friends, BELIEVE them.

#nike #doinit

Hoss

Look at yo'self

How do you measure yourself??


What I know for sure is that most of us allow society to be our beacon system. We allow TV, who we work with, our friends, our family, define when and where we should be in our lives.  The most ironic thing is... we are all on our own path.  We are all having our own experience.   And everyone is on a different learning curve than the next.   The best part about it.... is that we GAIN.  We GROW.

How do you measure others?

Think about it.... Think about that person that you know at work.  Or that you subtly know in your group of friends.  I mean, they are sub par at best.  And when you actually think about it, if they weren't there, it may be easier.  Because to be honest, they get on your nerves.  They irritate you.  They make your life difficult. 

Time goes by.

And then one day you learn something about them.  Something personal.  And you think... huh.  That changes my perspective of them.  That allows my point of reference to expand and give them more of the benefit of the doubt.

What if.......

Everyone had their own experiences?  and if you knew every ones perspective, life journey.... you would think differently?  Well, that IS the case. With every single person you encounter. 

So just look at yo'self.

Don't look at them when you are struggling with how they are.  Or how they've been.  And as a matter of fact... don't look at anyone else when someone is making you feel uncomfortable.  Get ahold of yourself and realize that it's YOU that are making yo'self uncomfortable.  And it's for a reason.  A lesson, a perspective.... or just simple to give you a bit of humble pie.  Know for sure that this is the journey you were meant to travel.  Whether it is the one that others are on or not.  Whether it is one others can relate to or not.  Irrelevant. 

What matters most is how you look inward.  In every situation.  Projecting your shi* onto me my friend, just ain't right. 

The most interesting, fun, exhilarating part of this journey is simply looking at ourselves. Sometimes looking back to see how far you've come.  Brushin' yo shoulders off and allowing YO'SELF to be happy.  Allow yourself to be free from all of the pressure that you and others put on those shoulders every.single.day.

I believe the key to this is vulnerability.  Comfort in it.

If you can find comfort in vulnerability.... you can find comfort in anything.

Iyanla said :The only walls in your life are the ones that you have built yourself. Clear your mind of clutter, congestion and conflict. Free your mind of unproductive, nonessential thoughts about yourself and your life.

You heard her.

Click here.

Or here.

 

 

 

 

"The greatness of a man's power, is the measure of his surrender."- William Booth

Looking at myself....

Hossy the Bossy