Get your ass out there....

Almost anyone can relate to this mess.... putting yourself out there.

Are you single?
Know anyone that's single?
Are you separated?  Divorced?
Going through a breakup?
Went through a bad breakup, now in a dry spell?  Do you see dry brush blowing by?  Cobwebs?? (I know, too far....)

It's a known fact that sitting in your house, never going out, or doing anything will in no way find you the partner of your dreams. 

If you are at home playing the nobody-likes-me-everybody-hates me game.... FAILURE.

If you are spending more time on chores then you are on play dating.... FAILURE.

Now listen, I LOATHE dating.  I'm not good at it.  Never have been. I have a big mouth, (i know, shocker...) I will ALWAYS at some point say the wrong thing.  I swear I live by the motto, open mouth insert foot.  And to be honest, I can tell in the first 30 seconds if I like you or not, if I am attracted to you.... if I feel that connection.  So yeah, it can be a waste of time.  Spending an hour getting ready for a date that you know in 30 seconds you'd rather drink a raw egg then ever make out with this person.... and boom.  It becomes a waste of a looking cute night. 

Maybe a single friend wants to speed date.... go WITH THEM.  If nothing else, it'll be the funniest night you've had in a long time. 

Everyone has some rules to live by when it comes to dating... someone told me recently that their sister would ask them, "did you box it?"  Meaning, did she take the rest of her meal home.  This meant the date basically blew.  Because she would never box a meal on a first date with a guy she had sparks with.... she said that was super tacky (what a complex she gave me!  I ALWAYS get a box.  Waste food?!  F THAT!)

But if you are single, man or woman, you need to be open when friends/family/co-workers want to "hook you up with this person they know...".  Or your wing man calls and wants to go out for happy hour (and you just had the longest day of your life), sometimes the last thing you feel like doing is going out on a Friday after a hellacious week at work, but you know what, you must get your ass out there!! 

If you don't want to share your personal life and get on a blow horn asking, "KNOW ANYONE THAT'S SINGLE?" then fine, I know Eharmony and Match would love to take your money.  I hear even Christiansingles has several mingling singles......HOOK YO'SELF UP!

If you never go out, if you never go on dates, if you never get "hooked up" you will NEVER know.  And think about it like me... use it as practice.  If I go on an actual date date, and I am not sure about the person, I consider it play time, practice for the big game.  The more nervous and shy you are, the less attractive it is.....period. Man or woman.  Blind date or not. 

If you refuse to put yourself out there, get up and get out, then do not come up to me and say you cant find someone.  Your friends will want to punch you out.  The bottom line is... you just never know.  You may go out on a blind date....and before you know it.... be the happiest you've been in a while!  Trust me, I know a friend who can relate.

Anyway, I'm just saying.....people don't marry themselves.  (although this would be amazing), dates don't just get scheduled on your calendar, and the one just doesn't come a knockin' at your door.

So cry over your heartbreak... and MOVE ON.
File your divorce.... heal... and then use HAPPY HOUR in your vocabulary as often as possible.
Mistakes are mistakes.  Learn, grow, meditate, and then FLIRT YOUR ASS OFF.

You'll be glad you did....maybe, just maybe, it'll put a smile on your face....


Game on people,

Hoss

Put down the Hot Coal....

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burned." —Buddha

I would have to say I think Buddha hit the nail on the head with this one.

And I would like to say that holding onto anything really, is poison.  Anger, resentment, pain.... it's all the same.  Stems back to anger which is not a real emotion.  This is just a band aid we put over an emotion we aren't comfortable showing.

But seriously, how does one go about getting through true sharp anger?  We come across some serious life changing situations, sometimes on a daily basis, how do we decide to just not be angry?  How do we become emotionally stable enough to let go of the anger and realize that being angry, harboring resentment and continuing to dwell on the pain that a situation caused you will in no way change the situation?  More so, is simply adding poison to your body.  

Wiki has a pretty good 6 step program.

I don't think that will do it for me....

A friend recently told me they were reading a book that had the quote:  "If you don't like the way a situation is panning out, change what you can control about the situation".  GENIUS!

Now the bad news is that most of the time changing what only you can control won't change the situation much.  The good news is you are always in control of something, even if it's just how you allow a situation to make you feel, or directly effect your life.  The other piece of the good news pie here, is that it's really not that hard to just let. it. go.

Hard lesson to learn.
Easy one to repeat.

I haven't mastered this one bit.  So any additional advice is welcomed.  However, ol' Buddha got me thinkin' today about burning myself over someone else's coal.  I don't like it, you hear me?  Not one bit.....

Puttin down the coal- picking up a beer.

Cheers,

Hoss

40% through.... and 6 Epiphanies

In one month I will be 40% through my 30's.   I've been reading what others think they've learned in their 30's and it's funny to hear the different perspectives.  There is a constant I do see throughout all I read... and it's contentment.  I thought I'd reflect and think about what I've learned in my 30's so far... brace yourselves.  It may not be clean, or pretty...

1)  I've learned that after you turn 30, and everyday that passes... you really do stop giving a shit.  I'm telling you, you could not PAY ME MONEY to go back to my 20's.  What a freaking torture decade.  I mean, the teenage years aren't coming up roses either, but at least you think you know everything and run the world.  In your 20's life starts slapping you in the face on the right, and roundhouse kicking you on the left....and you realize you don't know a damn thing!  But in your 30's... you all of the sudden don't give a shit.  About what people think, about you, your clothes, if you are different.... you stop caring about pleasing people really.  You come to the realization that pleasing others doesn't make you happy... pleasing YOURSELF makes you happy.  DUH.  How genius is that?!

2)  Being a friend is more than being available on a Sat night from 7-2am.   It's true.  You start to figure out who is really your true friend, and who isn't.  I mean, I think this is a lifelong journey, but you start to weed people out.  Figure out who is a bum, who is wasting your time, and who really contributes to your smiles and your happiness....Who would be there for you if a immediate family member passed away?  If your sibling was addicted to drugs?  If your parent was terminally ill?  If you got DIVORCED??   If you haven't had anything big happen to allow you to find out who is your homie, and who is your roll-dogg.... you will.  And I bet you'll be surprised.  The thing is, #1 comes into play here, because you just aren't friends with those people anymore.  The ah-ha moment turns into a 3 second decision and boom... you're back to not giving a shit.

3)  You realize that your purpose is not to "get somewhere", your purpose is to enjoy the ride.   Setting goals, having dreams, not settling... all of these things are required to become successful.  But the key to happiness is to simply take each and every day at a time and enjoy it.  It may not be a day that was great, or you may not be in a place you want to stay in... a period in your life you'd like to quite frankly move the fk on, but you have to enjoy every single day to be happy. 

4)  You finally are content, and actually ENJOY spending as much time alone as you can.  Remember in your teenage years and your 20's you really had to constantly be with someone, or around someone to feel happy?  When you were alone you felt like you were missing out, or not liked, or lonely.... well dammit, thank your 30's for the feeling of contentment.  I'm telling you, there ain't nothin better than kicking back on the couch in giant sweat pants, no make up, glasses on, hair up, a way-too-big glass of Cab in your hands and the DVR remote to 7 smutt TV shows you have taped for the week including your guilty pleasure Teen Mom and whatever-Housewives for the moment.  Cheers to that!!

5)  It's a roller coaster, but if you are single in your 30's, you come to a place where you realize, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE.  I mean, think about it.  If you are a woman specifically, and you are single in your 30's, it looks a lot more glamorous on SITC (If you need me to type sex in the city, I feel sorry for you).  Quite frankly, it can really suck sometimes.  "Everyone" is getting married, on to having kids, may be on their second.... but then you realize, that a lot of those "everyone" are getting divorced, not happy in their marriages....Think back to the past relationships you've had.  Can you even IMAGINE marrying those people?  (we all have one we maybe could imagine... but stay with me)  They weren't meant for you.  That wasn't the right time.  You weren't the person then, that you are now.  People change... and I know I wasn't ready, and hadn't met the right people.  But you would think you had some sort of DISEASE if you are in your 30's and not married.  Someone said to me the other day, "I just don't understand why you are still single.  You are smart, you are pretty, you are funny... You have a good job, take care of yourself....."  Hmmmmmmm  Did you ever stop and think about that fact that maybe it was MY F$%#&NG DECISION?!  Jesus.  Why is it when a woman is single it's HER fault???  I'm here to tell you, if you are single in your 30's, be thankful.  God is putting you right where you are supposed to be.  And you will meet someone that'll knock-your-socks-off, and when you do, you'll be glad you waited.....

6)  You realize that making memories with those you love, is way more important than anything else in the world.  You start making more time for those who fill your soul.  You realize that you've fallen in love with your friends children, that you want to go on trips, but only with those people who are worth it... and you make time for making memories.  Memories are the keys to finding the places in our soul we don't know yet.

I don't know everything.  (like I did at 16)  But I know I'm not insecure and confused.  (like I was in my 20's)  What I know so far, are these 6 Epiphanies I've learned and I can't wait to learn more in the next 6 years of my 30's.... I am enjoying every. SINGLE. second.  :P

60% to go....

Hoss

If you think you can't do it...... YOU MUST.

It's interesting to sit and reflect on your life every few years and think about where you've been, and where you are going.   It's definitely an interesting experience for me personally, because I could never imagine I would be where I am today.  Most of my family, not so lucky.

But I do remember thinking, KNOWING, I would never "be able to..." so many things.  I defy myself over and over again.  I think the key here is to aim higher than you ever think possible.  A friend told me that they were going to aim higher than ever so that when they settle somewhere just below, it'll be the most amazing place.  I have to agree here.

But when you think so big, it can be overwhelming.  I mean, looking 250 steps in advance, it's a little difficult to take the first step.  The thing is... every journey does begin with the first step.  How cliche'?  Yep.  and sooooooooooo true.  Because years down the road when you look back, you'll see that you've accomplished those goals, or you are well on your way.  You won't even remember taking that first, 20th or 100th step.  It'll seem like a lifetime ago. 

Fear and intimidation are the devil's way of keeping you down.  YOU HEAR ME?!  You want something, you get it.  Whether you can get it in one hour, one month, one year or a lifetime.  Because when you get "it", the reward won't be what you thought it would be... it won't be the goal.  It will surely be all the life long lessons learned along the way.  All of the people you met, who are now a part of your life forever that helped you get there.  And all of the memories you made with each step.  The "it"  you began your journey for won't even really matter anymore.  It'll be a reward of so many other gifts received.

It won't be easy, you'll have to take risks, leave people behind, face judgments and jealousy from others.... but those are the times when you'll learn the most about who you are, who is in your life, and what you deserve.

So when you hear someone say all of those cliche's that drive you up the wall, remember, every journey begins with one step.... and every single thing in life can be yours with just a little patience, a bit of optimism, and a lot of support... only of your choice though.  Always surround yourself with those you want to be like; whether it's monetarily, of the same faith, morally, or professionally. 

The path of least resistance is for sure, not always the best.  And usually the worst.

Sitting around complaining and blaming and filling the world with your negative energy is only pushing those who can benefit you and support you away the most.  It's not only wasting your time, but anyone else who is in earshot's time too.  If you put more energy into obtaining your goal...watch how much faster it arrives....

Confucius for the day,

Hoss

faith.

Faith.   Think about this for a second.  What does Faith mean to you?  Most of the time in society faith is used in terms of religion.  Because you can't see it, you can't touch it, but you know it's there. 
 What is the opposite of this?  I would say fear of the unknown.  So is the definition of faith really embracing the unknown?  Why does this always have to relate to religion?  I have faith in God.  He's shown me why.  I'm not here to exemplify why I feel that way, or prove to someone why that is. It's Mine.  However, I think that faith is an under-used word/emotion that we need to explain and define more.

Faith is our way of accepting the present, because we can't predict the future.

Think about faith.  You really have it in every aspect of your life.  Here are some examples:

You have faith that the job you are in will either a) get you to point B or b) maintain your life until the next chapter determines where you go. 

Don't you have faith every. single. year December 31st, that next year will be THE year?  You don't know, but you have faith that that's when everything positive that hasn't happened yet, will happen.

You have faith that you have chosen the right life partner.  The right "Life Style" if you will.  Because isn't the person you choose to be with the life style you embrace as well?  If who you love doesn't influence your life I don't know what else does more.

You use faith as a reason to explain why you're life has brought you to this "place".   I dated someone once (or twice...three times a...) :P  that said to me they thought faith was an emotion that people used as an excuse to explain all of the bad things that happened in their life.  That people who had "faith", whether it was in God/Religion, or in the exquisite phrase, "everything happens for a reason" was just a fools way to make themselves feel like they had a place in a world of unforgiving experiences. 

Let that one sink in for a second.

That one almost got me.  I thought about that for days, years really.  Until I realized that my opinion on that explanation, was that it was horseshit.  That was a cynics way of thinking themselves into such a negative state of mind, the only way they could feel better about those who were happy, "even though...." so many things had happened to them.....they really are hopelessly jealous of that feeling of contentment.  It's their only way to explain why they AREN'T. 

Ahem.  Ok.  I've gotten off track.

You have faith that when you get in the car, you'll pay attention enough, the other people on the street will pay attention enough, to keep you safe.

You have faith that tomorrow will be another day.  So even though you are mad about XYZ, you'll just deal with it tomorrow. 

You have to have faith that every decision you chose to make is the best one for you, your life or your situation.

You have faith that one day your body will just be okay with everything and will stop trying to "find all the answers".  I hate to tell you, but this is the journey folks.  Have faith, I do.  But one day you'll realize that this road you are speeding down, trying to "get through" is it.  This is it.  And those Faith-less people who hate on acceptance of experience, will wish they had a little more Faith that this is their life, and honestly, they need to take the lead role.  This was some of the most profound advice anyone's ever given me. 

THIS IS YOUR LIFE.  THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL.  YOU NEED TO TAKE THE LEAD ROLE. 

So have faith.  Your faith.  In whatever it is you have faith in.  Don't look to others for acceptance or relatability of your faith.  Just know that faith is a calmness.  If you choose to share it in church, in friendships, in relationships... if you chose to identify with others through faith.... amazing.  If not, remember it's yours.  and you define it. 

Feeling a little pensive tonight... no apologies.  I have FAITH you'll either identify or relate to this in some way :)

Faithfully inspired while writing,

Hoss

My 2012 to do list...WINNING.

In no particular order I have listed a few things that I would like to do/focus on this year.  It's not necessarily my resolutions.  That sets you up for failure.  And this my friends, is all about WINNING. Feel free to steal from this list, join in with me.... or simply create your own. 


I would like to plank more often.  I forget how amazing it can be.  I could quite possibly incorporate some sort of danger into it.... that could be the literal version of "living on the edge".

Shoot more guns.  I've always been scared of guns.  So I finally went to a shooting range... and risked shooting everyone in the place with how much I was shaking... but I did it.  I loved it.  And only practice makes courage.  One day, I'll own one.  (yes, you should be scared...HIDE YO KIDS! HIDE YO WIFE!)

I need to play in the rain more often.  I hadn't done it since I was a kid and last year when my neice was with me for the weekend, it started raining and thundering... once the thunder settled down I carried her and ran in the rain a little.  To say she LOVED it is an understatement.  She talks about it now every time she comes to see me.  Last time she said, "Jeka, I wish it was raining..."  I am making a commitment to play in the rain more often.  Makes you feel young again... and makes the young feel brave.

I am committing to focus on what I think and want and less on what others think and want.  My job is NOT to please those around me.  My job is to be happy, feel whole, and be authentic.  I am who I am, the older I get, the less I'll change.  I am willing to grow... but not so willing to please.  You want to be my friend or you don't.  You want to be close, or you don't.  You want to laugh at my hilarious jokes, or you want to judge and be offended.  I don't care.  I will participate in things that make me happy and discard the rest.  The sense of freedom I will get from this is something I anticipate greatly.  We all think we aren't in it to please other people, but we are.  We change the music when others come over to what we think they will like.  We cook food we think they will enjoy.  We change our schedules and our time to fit into what we think others will enjoy.  I feel that you can gain more respect by just being you.  If your friends want to participate, great.  If they don't, that's ok too.  Because you are truly happy and fulfilled when you are authentic. 

I need to challenge myself more.  Professionally, and in relationships.  I want to be sure to continue to set my goals higher than I think I'll ever achieve professionally and then watch it all fall into place.  One thing I do know, is that anything is possible.  You can have whatever you want.  You just have to fully believe that you deserve it.  In relationships, I'd like to fully, vulnerably, unconditionally love.  Sounds mushy hopeless romantic?  I know. And I am 100% ok with that.  Stop drinking that haterade and jump on the love bandwagon people.  Stop being old, crusty and lonely.  Open yo'self up to the idea.... what's the worst that can happen?

I WANT TO BE IN A BETTER PLACE FINANCIALLY.  That is all.

I want to continue to be spontaneous.  Last minute trips, thoughtful surprises, and not saying no to random adventures. 

I am horrible with remembering people's birthdays.  I'd like to get better at this.  Facebook is NOT an acceptable way to remember them... no time to prepare.  It makes people feel so good when you remember their day of birth.  I'll work on it.  (if I forget your birthday this year, consider it a learning experience)

I think this is enough for now.  I think this is a lot actually.  One step closer to ruling the world though.  Can't beat that....

Always Growing,
Hoss

Stones, Glass Houses, and other breakable items.

I think that the most poisonous action in our society is what I like to call throwing stones.... Judgement.  It is impossible not to do.  EVERYONE does it...... no exceptions.  (well, except maybe the Dali Llama, but I haven't met him so I won't assume).

Why is it that people think that if we throw stones, it helps to build our foundation?  Make us look stronger?  Because it doesn't.  Ultimately, it makes you look weak and every single one of us RESIDES in a glass house.  So at some point, someone will be throwing one back. 

I think this can pertain to so many things.  Let's make a list:

1. Friendships.  Think about yours....when was the last time you made a mistake in a friendship that you truly value?  I mean, I can think of way too many.  My hope always is that my friend on the receiving end realizes that it is just that... a mistake.  That I didn't mean to upset/hurt/react in any way negatively.  But hey, I came from Adam, I make mistakes.  So now think about the last time a friend made a mistake with you?  Bet you wished you hadn't judged them, talked about them behind their back.  Is it so hard to try and understand someone from their point of view?  I think we all deserve to think about how it would feel to walk a mile in that person's shoes.  I mean, I think I'm lucky with my friends.  And whenever I hang around people that are judging me... I can FEEL it.  And it makes me so uncomfortable, I don't even want to be around it.  It's poison.  And not worth one second of my time. 
2. Relationships: think about the last time you thought in your head, "if only he would....our relationship would be so much better"  or "if she would just_______I would be able to give her everything she needs" what about "he is so not romantic.  I wish he would be more loving"  DON'T THROW STONES.  I think one of the things we can do to make all of our loving relationships better is to think about the other person.  What kind of day did they have, what kind of mood are they in?  Why?  How can we help THEM.  How can we make THEIR day better.  Try it.... I bet they try to make yours better.... criticism will get you no where.  Flattery... well, if I hear one more time that I'll get further with honey than I will with vinegar....I wish this were an easy lesson, but it's just not.
3. Work.  OMG~ think about the last time some dumbass at work made your day longer, your projects harder, created more work for you.... and all you are thinking is, WHAT A F*-/+% DUMBASS!!!  Did you ever wonder what is going on in their life?  at home?  How busy are THEY?  Did they just make a simple mistake?  Are you wasting more time worrying about what they did to make your day worse....think twice about throwing that stone.  Your ass will be in a glass house and make a mistake as soon as that hand cocks back to throw.  Trust me.... I can preach.  I'm the MFing choir.
4. On the road.  I WILL NEVER MASTER THIS LESSON no matter how hard I try.  But then I turn around and accidentally cut someone off.... or speed up and want to get in front of them because my lane is ending and I hate to be behind someone.  You bitch and moan about someone on the phone while they are driving and then pick up the phone to call someone to complain about it and ride someones bumper without even knowing it while you do this.....

I write about these things because they are my weakness.  I can be so selfish sometimes that I make myself sick.  What about me?  Why do I have to suffer?  These are common thoughts, but the bottom line is that things can be so much worse. 

I can't tell the whole story, but I know someone who is terminally ill with cancer.  This person is making sure that all their ducks are in a row at their place of employment and scheduling every meeting they can to transfer things over to their replacement.... someone told me they were looking back on a meeting they had with them and was thinking negative thoughts about them because they were falling asleep in that meeting.... wonder how they feel about that now knowing this person was heavily medicated due to a terminal illness?

This can pertain to so many aspects of your life.  Remember this next time your judging thoughts creep up... about anything.  Your family, the homeless person on the street, the stranger at the mall... or even better WALMART!  :P


DON'T THROW STONES or any other heavy objects.  They hurt when you don't see one coming, and get hit right in the forehead.  Nothing is strong enough to take a stone to the face...you feel it.  Every time.


~trying to get there... one day at a time~  Hoss