Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Things that make you go hmmmmmmm....

So if you follow my blog at all, you know I am constantly pondering, asking questions and mulling over anything and everything that life has to offer.  One question that arose such curiosity in my mind, I heard the other day.  That question was, "Who Are You?".  If you were asked this question, what would you say?

I seriously had no idea.

Not that I don't know who the hell I am, I mean damn.  I'm.... Hoss.  I know what I am, what I like, definitely what I don't like, who I like, where I live, what I do....

But I don't think that's the answer that is authentic. 

What IS the authentic answer to the question?  What is YOUR authentic answer? 

I think to begin to even wrap your arms around this kind of thing is to figure out first, who you are not.

Ok.  So I am not a liar.  First and foremost.  I am not good at hiding my emotions.  I am not fully 100% comfortable in my own skin yet.... (work in progress, 90% so far, 10% to go) I am not without spirit.  I am not ungrateful.  I am not able to stop growing and learning.... I am not able to be a surface level person. 

Step 1 down. 

So now I know some of what I am not, how do I figure out how to articulate who I am? 

I heard someones answer to be:  I am a humble, reverent servant of God.

Now at first I thought, well, I mean, I love me some Jesus, but  I don't know if I can honestly say that I give my life to him..... give my every day to him... I am human and I seem to choose that more than my spirituality.  I'd like to say I incorporate that into as much as I can.... But then I heard someone else say, "I am here to serve"

Now, I like that.  I am here to serve.  That's relatable to me.  I definitely have been here to serve.  Mostly myself.  The more I authentically serve myself, the more I gain.  The more fulfilled I am.I feel that this can be a spiritual experience and I feel closer to my God when I stay true, or serve, myself.

Alright.  So, back to basics, who am I?  Strip down the fundamentals, strip down the car, the materialistic aspect of life, the job, the clothes...

This stumps me. 

I am Jessica.  I am undeniably loyal, fundamentally complicated, authentically deep, courageous and spiritual, and I am here to serve.  Serve myself, serve those I love. 

So, if this does nothing but spark your mind to think, who are you?  In the morning, with out the clothes, without anything.  Who are you?  Who is that person looking in the mirror?  Whatever your answer is, always remember that you are the best you can be in your life at this moment, with what you have been given.  This will give you the courage to grow.

I feel like this question can continually change, conform to what you become as you live, as you experience.  Ultimately, I just feel like it's a question we should think about.  I mean damn, we think about everything else!  We should at least have a good answer when asked who we are?!?!!

Serving. Growing. Wondering,