Monday, March 12, 2012

Get your ass out there....

Almost anyone can relate to this mess.... putting yourself out there.
Are you single?
Know anyone that's single?
Are you separated?  Divorced?
Going through a breakup?
Went through a bad breakup, now in a dry spell?  Do you see dry brush blowing by?  Cobwebs?? (I know, too far....)

It's a known fact that sitting in your house, never going out, or doing anything will in no way find you the partner of your dreams. 

If you are at home playing the nobody-likes-me-everybody-hates me game.... FAILURE.

If you are spending more time on chores then you are on play dating.... FAILURE.

Now listen, I LOATHE dating.  I'm not good at it.  Never have been. I have a big mouth, (i know, shocker...) I will ALWAYS at some point say the wrong thing.  I swear I live by the motto, open mouth insert foot.  And to be honest, I can tell in the first 30 seconds if I like you or not, if I am attracted to you.... if I feel that connection.  So yeah, it can be a waste of time.  Spending an hour getting ready for a date that you know in 30 seconds you'd rather drink a raw egg then ever make out with this person.... and boom.  It becomes a waste of a looking cute night. 

Maybe a single friend wants to speed date.... go WITH THEM.  If nothing else, it'll be the funniest night you've had in a long time. 

Everyone has some rules to live by when it comes to dating... someone told me recently that their sister would ask them, "did you box it?"  Meaning, did she take the rest of her meal home.  This meant the date basically blew.  Because she would never box a meal on a first date with a guy she had sparks with.... she said that was super tacky (what a complex she gave me!  I ALWAYS get a box.  Waste food?!  F THAT!)

But if you are single, man or woman, you need to be open when friends/family/co-workers want to "hook you up with this person they know...".  Or your wing man calls and wants to go out for happy hour (and you just had the longest day of your life), sometimes the last thing you feel like doing is going out on a Friday after a hellacious week at work, but you know what, you must get your ass out there!! 

If you don't want to share your personal life and get on a blow horn asking, "KNOW ANYONE THAT'S SINGLE?" then fine, I know Eharmony and Match would love to take your money.  I hear even Christiansingles has several mingling singles......HOOK YO'SELF UP!

If you never go out, if you never go on dates, if you never get "hooked up" you will NEVER know.  And think about it like me... use it as practice.  If I go on an actual date date, and I am not sure about the person, I consider it play time, practice for the big game.  The more nervous and shy you are, the less attractive it is.....period. Man or woman.  Blind date or not. 

If you refuse to put yourself out there, get up and get out, then do not come up to me and say you cant find someone.  Your friends will want to punch you out.  The bottom line is... you just never know.  You may go out on a blind date....and before you know it.... be the happiest you've been in a while!  Trust me, I know a friend who can relate.

Anyway, I'm just saying.....people don't marry themselves.  (although this would be amazing), dates don't just get scheduled on your calendar, and the one just doesn't come a knockin' at your door.

So cry over your heartbreak... and MOVE ON.
File your divorce.... heal... and then use HAPPY HOUR in your vocabulary as often as possible.
Mistakes are mistakes.  Learn, grow, meditate, and then FLIRT YOUR ASS OFF.

You'll be glad you did....maybe, just maybe, it'll put a smile on your face....

Game on people,


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Put down the Hot Coal....

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burned." —Buddha

I would have to say I think Buddha hit the nail on the head with this one.

And I would like to say that holding onto anything really, is poison.  Anger, resentment, pain.... it's all the same.  Stems back to anger which is not a real emotion.  This is just a band aid we put over an emotion we aren't comfortable showing.

But seriously, how does one go about getting through true sharp anger?  We come across some serious life changing situations, sometimes on a daily basis, how do we decide to just not be angry?  How do we become emotionally stable enough to let go of the anger and realize that being angry, harboring resentment and continuing to dwell on the pain that a situation caused you will in no way change the situation?  More so, is simply adding poison to your body.  

Wiki has a pretty good 6 step program.

I don't think that will do it for me....

A friend recently told me they were reading a book that had the quote:  "If you don't like the way a situation is panning out, change what you can control about the situation".  GENIUS!

Now the bad news is that most of the time changing what only you can control won't change the situation much.  The good news is you are always in control of something, even if it's just how you allow a situation to make you feel, or directly effect your life.  The other piece of the good news pie here, is that it's really not that hard to just let. it. go.

Hard lesson to learn.
Easy one to repeat.

I haven't mastered this one bit.  So any additional advice is welcomed.  However, ol' Buddha got me thinkin' today about burning myself over someone else's coal.  I don't like it, you hear me?  Not one bit.....

Puttin down the coal- picking up a beer.



Friday, March 2, 2012

40% through.... and 6 Epiphanies

In one month I will be 40% through my 30's.   I've been reading what others think they've learned in their 30's and it's funny to hear the different perspectives.  There is a constant I do see throughout all I read... and it's contentment.  I thought I'd reflect and think about what I've learned in my 30's so far... brace yourselves.  It may not be clean, or pretty...

1)  I've learned that after you turn 30, and everyday that passes... you really do stop giving a shit.  I'm telling you, you could not PAY ME MONEY to go back to my 20's.  What a freaking torture decade.  I mean, the teenage years aren't coming up roses either, but at least you think you know everything and run the world.  In your 20's life starts slapping you in the face on the right, and roundhouse kicking you on the left....and you realize you don't know a damn thing!  But in your 30's... you all of the sudden don't give a shit.  About what people think, about you, your clothes, if you are different.... you stop caring about pleasing people really.  You come to the realization that pleasing others doesn't make you happy... pleasing YOURSELF makes you happy.  DUH.  How genius is that?!

2)  Being a friend is more than being available on a Sat night from 7-2am.   It's true.  You start to figure out who is really your true friend, and who isn't.  I mean, I think this is a lifelong journey, but you start to weed people out.  Figure out who is a bum, who is wasting your time, and who really contributes to your smiles and your happiness....Who would be there for you if a immediate family member passed away?  If your sibling was addicted to drugs?  If your parent was terminally ill?  If you got DIVORCED??   If you haven't had anything big happen to allow you to find out who is your homie, and who is your roll-dogg.... you will.  And I bet you'll be surprised.  The thing is, #1 comes into play here, because you just aren't friends with those people anymore.  The ah-ha moment turns into a 3 second decision and boom... you're back to not giving a shit.

3)  You realize that your purpose is not to "get somewhere", your purpose is to enjoy the ride.   Setting goals, having dreams, not settling... all of these things are required to become successful.  But the key to happiness is to simply take each and every day at a time and enjoy it.  It may not be a day that was great, or you may not be in a place you want to stay in... a period in your life you'd like to quite frankly move the fk on, but you have to enjoy every single day to be happy. 

4)  You finally are content, and actually ENJOY spending as much time alone as you can.  Remember in your teenage years and your 20's you really had to constantly be with someone, or around someone to feel happy?  When you were alone you felt like you were missing out, or not liked, or lonely.... well dammit, thank your 30's for the feeling of contentment.  I'm telling you, there ain't nothin better than kicking back on the couch in giant sweat pants, no make up, glasses on, hair up, a way-too-big glass of Cab in your hands and the DVR remote to 7 smutt TV shows you have taped for the week including your guilty pleasure Teen Mom and whatever-Housewives for the moment.  Cheers to that!!

5)  It's a roller coaster, but if you are single in your 30's, you come to a place where you realize, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE.  I mean, think about it.  If you are a woman specifically, and you are single in your 30's, it looks a lot more glamorous on SITC (If you need me to type sex in the city, I feel sorry for you).  Quite frankly, it can really suck sometimes.  "Everyone" is getting married, on to having kids, may be on their second.... but then you realize, that a lot of those "everyone" are getting divorced, not happy in their marriages....Think back to the past relationships you've had.  Can you even IMAGINE marrying those people?  (we all have one we maybe could imagine... but stay with me)  They weren't meant for you.  That wasn't the right time.  You weren't the person then, that you are now.  People change... and I know I wasn't ready, and hadn't met the right people.  But you would think you had some sort of DISEASE if you are in your 30's and not married.  Someone said to me the other day, "I just don't understand why you are still single.  You are smart, you are pretty, you are funny... You have a good job, take care of yourself....."  Hmmmmmmm  Did you ever stop and think about that fact that maybe it was MY F$%#&NG DECISION?!  Jesus.  Why is it when a woman is single it's HER fault???  I'm here to tell you, if you are single in your 30's, be thankful.  God is putting you right where you are supposed to be.  And you will meet someone that'll knock-your-socks-off, and when you do, you'll be glad you waited.....

6)  You realize that making memories with those you love, is way more important than anything else in the world.  You start making more time for those who fill your soul.  You realize that you've fallen in love with your friends children, that you want to go on trips, but only with those people who are worth it... and you make time for making memories.  Memories are the keys to finding the places in our soul we don't know yet.

I don't know everything.  (like I did at 16)  But I know I'm not insecure and confused.  (like I was in my 20's)  What I know so far, are these 6 Epiphanies I've learned and I can't wait to learn more in the next 6 years of my 30's.... I am enjoying every. SINGLE. second.  :P

60% to go....