Monday, January 27, 2014

Challenging your awareness.....

I want to write about something that I feel like these days people deny even exists anymore. 


Did I make you uncomfortable?  Did you roll your eyes?  Are you even going to continue to read this?

If you think that it doesn't exist... you are truly mistaken.  It's not talked about much.  People do a really good job of turning a blind eye....But mostly because as a society we've made it "socially unacceptable".  However,  the bottom line is it still goes on every single day.   

People of the same race-even in the WORK place- speaking demeaning comments race related.
really people?  you are in a professional environment, #1.  #2, for the record... if you are white, and you are making a joke about another race, I'm uncomfortable and immediately have zero respect for you moving forward.  I made a mental note to never trust your morals or your judgement.

Parents denying their children because they married another race, or had an interracial child.
What do you see when you look into your daughters eyes?  You love them unconditionally right?  By unconditionally do you mean, only if they don't marry or birth a child by someone of another race?  Because that's what I've seen.  I've also seen with my own eyes, people who deny their feelings for someone because, "there's no way I could bring that person home to my parents."  THIS IS OUR REALITY PEOPLE. It's not just their problem....

Let's stop acting like this *ish doesn't happen.  It does.  I see it almost everyday.  I've EXPERIENCED it.  I've gone out with a GIRLfriend of mine who's black and gotten stared at.  Lingering looks. Felt the thoughts.....

I'm not sure if you are aware, but people can see your face.  See your eyes.  Feel your energy.  Sense your judgement.  You don't have to say a WORD. 

Oprah had a life class a few weeks ago on Colorism.  Passing judgement and racism within your own RACE.  Light skinned, dark skinned.....and all shades in between.  That show tore me up.

The Butler- haven't seen it?  Well you should.  Hotel Rowanda- that's a movie we can watch and say- "oh- that doesn't happen here, that's in other countries."  Wrong.  Just 60 years ago we couldn't even sit at the same tables.  Go to the same schools.  That's how our parents or grandparents lived.  The Butler does a really really good job of bringing the past to the present and showing you that not that long ago......

So yea, there is some lingering ignorance that we are trying to clean up.  You only know what you experience so if you grow up and learn and get taught that way, then that's all you know right?   WRONG.  Dare to be different, how do you think things changed anyway?  People challenged the "NORM"  People pushed back.  PEOPLE DIED, so that we could live this way today.  But to be honest, I'm not satisfied.  I'm not OK with where we are as a society on this issue.  I am ashamed that I see and continue to see racism

It's disgusting.  It's ignorant.  It cowardly.  It's shameful. 

I know one thing.  I'm only one person. One measly little 35 year old white girl who lives in Raleigh, North Carolina.... But I promise you this:  I promise to never surround myself intentionally with those that would make my loved ones of another race uncomfortable.  Period.  I promise to always say something when I hear derogatory shameful  verbiage coming out of an ignorant mouth.  I do it.  All the time. 

I may not be able to erase it.  But I can surround myself, my family, my children around all different races, religions, backgrounds, cultures... and on purpose.   If you are living in 2014 and you STILL DON'T KNOW that we are all the same, then shame on you.  There is no one way.  One right way to live or be. 

Be part of the solution.  Be part of the healing.  Be part of the acknowledgement.  Or you ARE the problem.  By laughing or turning a blind eye, you are exacerbating the issue and fueling the fire.  Stand up for something bigger. 

Think what you will, about me, about this blog.... But at least I am standing up for something I believe in, instead of allowing the norm to dictate my thoughts.

Equally accusing.  Equally loving,


Wednesday, January 22, 2014

What are you TRULY committed to?

I am going to steal a quote from Hannah Brencher- a young blogger who has become extremely successful and is wonderfully thought provoking:

"I guess I’m now starting to understand why commitment seems a little jacked up and flimsy in the world today. Because real commitment– hands all in with no hope of turning outward– is not always the picture-perfect, edited thing you’d thought it would be. A lot of times it’s tears. And it’s telling yourself you will get through something, even when you aren’t so sure that you will. And it’s lacing up your boots to get through these battlefields that seek to own you with doubt and insecurity and hopelessness. "

It seems with so many distractions, technology specifically- there are so many reasons not to be committed.  Not to go through the motions of staying, wherever it is, for whoever it is- through the hard parts.  Have you been through anything in life that had actual substance that was easy??  Nothing is easy.  Life is what you make of it right? 

Work is a commitment, it's certainly not always a walk in the park, but you stay.  The reward is that they pay you.  Relationships are a commitment.  They aren't easy and typically they try every single part of you that you didn't even know existed.  But they reward you with love, fulfillment, companionship, and worth.  Every commitment has a pay off.  And it can get exhausting while climbing the hill of adversity......But when you get to the top of that hill.... it's oh so rewarding.  Ms. Brencher is right when she says at the top of the hill is JOY JOY JOY and Hallelujah!  You cannot experience the joy, if you do not stay the course- of anything difficult you face.  Looking back at the top of the staris that you climbed is the exhilarating reason you climb them....

People are getting married less and less. Later in life....It's so easy to shut down.  Shut off.  Transition to something easier.  Put the What IF portion of your emotions on repeat.  Tricking yourself into thinking there is always something better waiting.  Bigger.  More worth it.  Something that will constantly full fill you every second of the day.  It ain't gonna happen my friends.  Ask anyone who's in a long term relationship or married.  Ups, downs, and everything in between.  That is the definition of commitment. 

The next time you want to run- from whatever is challenging you to be better.  Be bigger. Be tolerant- STAY.  She puts it so much more eloquently than I do... but I have to say I envy her vision at such a young age.  It took me a really long time to come to that realization, a really long road of lessons learned the hard way.  I'm not married.  I don't have children.  But I welcome the expected anticipation of the commitment it requires.  I've done a lot and learned a lot and anyone who knows me knows that my commitment to them is real.  If I am your friend, your confidant- I am committed to you.  I'll stay.

Can you say the same?

Looking forward to looking back,