Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Year of Magic

"Always work hard on something uncontrollably exciting."
-Google for Entrepreneurs

I just finished reading "Year of Yes" by Shonda Rhimes.  I find it FASCINATING that most people don't know her name.  They aren't sure who I'm speaking of when I mention that author.  She's the GODDESS of Television- Private Practice, Grey's Anatomy, SCANDAL, How to Get Away With Murder- She RULES Thursday television.  She has a hashtag #TGFT (Thank God for Thursdays).... and most people don't know her name.  She did this on purpose- more in her book.  Mostly she helped me realize that everything that makes you uncomfortable- you should do- on purpose- all the time.  Now I knew this- cognitively- but actually doing it is another ball game.

I am now reading "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Now disclaimer- I'm not done... But I am amazed.  She touches on how we always have ideas, creative ideas (whatever creative is to you- it varies) and sometimes we don't act on them. Sometimes we push them down- mostly because of our old dear, curl up in a blanket, feels good, comforting friend -FEAR.  Now, I've spent a LOT of time on this subject.  I'm an EXPERT in fear.  (and insecurity- lucky ME!) I've been in multiple leadership trainings, I've listened to seminars, watched TED talks, read books on this subject and how to conquer it.  I have to say- Elizabeth does a fantastic job making this relatable to me in this book.

So much so that I am going to commit to one year of BIG MAGIC.

I feel creative all the time.  I've known since I was in college I would write a book.  I think about blogging all the time and never do it.  Make excuses.    I just quit my Project  Management job with an incredible IT company to be employee number 4 for a start up company where the world is my oyster!  I am encouraged to be autonomous, be creative, be INVENTIVE!  There are so many opportunities in my life for me to make Big Magic- I am going to commit to one year of leaning in to every opportunity I have to be creative, every idea that comes across my brain.  I've learned so much in all that I've been soaking up the last three years it's time to implement it.  It's time to watch what I've learned come to fruition- to creative LIFE.

Now let's be clear... I'm  not going to write a book this year.... but I am going to blog- because I love it.  Am I good at it?  According to WHO?  I don't care either way.  I LOVE IT.  I like to get what's in my head and heart down in words.  It makes me feel alive, legit, of value! I've submitted what has to be 7 bogs to and a human ALWAYS replies with feedback about my specific blog- that they want to publish it and I'm almost there.... and then I rollover to defeat.  They are asking me to resubmit!  They are asking me to polish and prune and I don't.  I'm scared. I'm scared after I do that, they still won't like me.  I'm scared of not being good enough.  I'm scared of being good enough.  This pattern is no longer acceptable.

I am going to create and invent every idea in my head for my new job, dive in all the way.   I am not going to let my fear hold me back from ideas and concepts that I want to bring to life.  I am going to be innovative and every time I feel that familiar grip in my chest... every time I feel that- "just forget it- it was a terrible idea anyway"- voice in my head.... I will say, "Hello old friend.  You are not going to go away, I understand that.  But you are not welcome to drive.  You can hang out- but you are not welcome here."  And plunge forward with everything I have.  I know I won't always be perfect- but such is the light of Big Magic; all of the greatness and flaws- all of it is magic.

Stay tuned for the most vulnerable Hoss you have ever seen.  I accept the challenge of looking fear in the face and saying- It's ok- It's just ME- entertaining, funny, honest, loyal, risk-taking, loving, complicated and beautiful me.

Openly and Honestly,


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