My first few times I could barely get though the class without laughing. These people were CRAZY TO ME. Breathing weird, Shushing people….and I happened to be near a few people with the worst BO ever. Not to mention the one time where the heffer (you heard me) next to me must have had a cheeseburger before class because every once in a while I would get a whiff of her burp….and I felt like I was in a McDonald's drive through.
And lastly I hated it because I was HORRIBLE. It was so mother freaking hot in there I for sure thought if I stayed in the room for one more second I would die.
But I liked it. There were some hot guys in there (BONUS!)... So I kept going (it's actually quite a sexy exercise if you can get through the 98-103 degrees)… The hot guys come and go... but now....now I am in love with this class. <3
Now I’ve been doing it for just over 30 classes, and I have become one of those weird breathers. I am part of the cult. And if I don’t go at least 4 times a week, I feel gross. My body feels different, in a good way now and I feel like I can kick someone’s ass. It might be a small someone… but all in all… I am physically able to kick their little ass.
Yet there are still these few lingering things that come back to haunt me. I would like to give you a few rules… tricks of the trade… things to do and not do to if you are going to attend a class like this.
1) For all of you with rank ass feet: If you are coming from work, TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF IN THE CAR. Don’t take them off right before you go into the damn class! You will stink up the entire room. Not to mention the fact that HOT STEAM is pumping. Can you imagine what the room smells like!? I was so excited to go to class last night. Got there a little early to get my spot… 45 degree angle from the instructor so I can watch their every move but act like I’m not…. I lay down to relax a little before class and I literally almost threw up. I had to immediately sit up and realize that the horrendous smell is the guy’s feet next to me. Not great. :/
2) DON’T EAT FAST FOOD before you go to class… or maybe even the day of class. When you burp, and you are less than an arms length away from someone…. WE CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE WHAT YOU ATE. Freakin nasty.
3) I understand that there is a lot of deep breathing in this class. I also understand that sometimes you are holding your breath and you don’t even realize it, so you exhale deeply… but come on people. Lifting your arms over your head in the first 5 mins of class does not require rhinoceros breaths. You are not a cow, you don’t need to moo. You are not a horse… the naying is a little ridiculous. You don’t need to sound like you are making sweet love on your mat. Just do the poses, breathe without all the dramatic noise, and lay back if you can’t do a pose! (I still take time outs. Think I took three last night in class)
4) For all you Yogi’s… when we are in savasana, it’s our most favorite pose. It’s everyone’s. We all came and tortured ourselves for one hour to do this pose. Can you do me a favor and refer to number 3 with your zoo like breathing and keep the snorting down just a bit? Is it really that hard? I am using all of the energy left in my body to try and stop the 100 things I need to do and don’t need to do from firing in my brain. You aren’t helping.
Yoga is not just an excuse to be weird. Am I alone on this? I don’t know. I know as a general rule, I am not a huge “people” fan anyway. I avoid crowds, loathe the mall…it’s possible I could just be a hater. Well…Whatever. I’m just throwing it out there… :P
Namaste.
Your snotty fellow yogi~ Hoss.
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